My Path
Addiction was a loud secret in certain parts of my family. Alcohol being the preferred numbing agent. When I went to Penn State from ‘06-‘10 I drank heavily using college life as my excuse, when I really just wanted to block out the anger & pain I had within.
The week of my graduation I came across the UFC on a low budget channel and was immediately captivated & started looking for somewhere to train. After a long search, I found a place in New Jersey and was training 7 days a week, multiple times a day. To get ready for mixed martial arts (MMA), I started competing in jiu-jitsu (bjj) as much as possible. Competing had it’s downs & ups. I flipped it because growing up I played baseball and some football, but I never played any individual sports. Growing up in The Bronx, I NEVER even heard of wrestling before other than WWe. So I had to teach myself how to compete and learn the mindset, how to ground, manage anxiety/nervousness, self-doubt, be present, and perform. Plus I had some catching up to do since I started training after I graduated from college and had no prior experience.
I found my groove and was winning multiple tournaments back to back. Then in one tournament as a Purple belt (a rank halfway to Blackbelt) I tore my ACL, partial MCL, & Meniscus. I haven’t even started my fighting career yet and the recovery time at that time was 2 years. I came back in 9 months.
Once I recovered I got back to full training and made my amateur MMA debut. After some dominating wins, I was lined up for a title fight and fractured my arm in training. I was so focused on the title that I still trained and rushed the healing process and took a fight while I was in the cast. I dominated the fight and became an Amateur Champion. That week I went back to training and broke that same arm because it never fully healed. After healing with patience, I took a fight and defended my title in dominating fashion and went on to become a Professional Mixed Martial Artist.
From the second I started training in 2010 nothing mattered than being “The Best”. Not even me. Nothing was ever enough. I would dominate a fight and think of my mistakes as if I lost. And the few times I lost, I hated myself for it. If I wasn’t training, I was studying fights, learning mindset/psychology, or doing strength & conditioning. Hanging out with family & friends was out of the question let alone birthdays, weddings, etc. Once Lockdown hit I lined up my schedule for 6 fights in 1 year. Because I never took damage I kept busy and stayed in "fight camp mode".
My routine for fight camps was to shut off my emotions 2wks out so I wouldn’t feel bad for any damage I caused. Staying in fight camp mode meant I never turned my emotions back on. So I remained numb. Not feeling anything. Trading the addiction of drinking for that of proving myself to the world. Lockdown was no different than my everyday life. After the additional time with myself I realized I was using fighting & training to cope with the fact that I wasn’t happy. This led me to self-development and diving deeper into the inner work.
I took a fight during lockdown to prove to myself that I wasn't reacting to any anxiousness because I don't let what's outside of me influence me in any way.
I dominated and felt the same way. Not happy.
All smiles were temporary and for others not to ask me “what’s wrong?”. After approaching 2021 differently and stepping away from fighting, I went to Iceland with my instructor for his seminar and I thought to myself:
“This Is what I want to do...Experience life.”
The thought of retiring came up and I realized that, that thought brought up fear. I knew I had to do it. If I didn’t, I would appear to be this brave warrior to others for being a fighter, but I would be a coward to myself for not jumping into the unknown of life without fighting.
After a long process of letting go of an identity that no longer served me, I am now in a place where I am Truly genuinely happy. Every smile is genuine and I am present for every moment.
i now help others to experience their own true happiness through my intuition that has been heightened by my fighting career in combination with all that i have learned along the way. Providing it all in it's most simplest form.
Sensations in the body.
I found that words are easily forgettable, but you never forget how something makes you feel. So all my techniques are sensation based. Because just like in a fight, when things are going rough, a long explanation isn't going to be very helpful in those moments. But if you have a feeling, a certain sensation that you have trained yourself to come back to, you will always be able to find your stability and maintain your balance no matter what happens.
Allowing you to be in control of yourself.
obtaining self-mastery.
resistance makes us forget who we are,
but the lesson at it's core is the reminder that we needed.
I truly have much love and appreciation for You.
i Look forward to connecting with You and helping You
Remember Who You Are!
